Or "Why some people are better able to handle a swift kick in the ass."

If you are easily offended then the title probably pissed you off. There is a simple solution to this problem: grab a large solid object and throw it through your monitor. That will quickly remove the offensive content from your presence. If you are easily offended by ideas that other people might have that are at odds with your own, see the above solution. You might also consider growing up and joining the rest of us in the adult world who can deal with things they don’t agree with in a mature manner.

If you’re still reading at this point, you are either looking for more ammunition to bolster a low self-esteem by degrading other people’s opinions, or just maybe you’re an open minded person who is interested in hearing a different way of looking at people.

If you belong to the later group, by all means read on…

The Preamble

Over the course of my life I’ve met people from many walks of life, with widely different attitudes and ways of dealing with adversity. After going through some difficult periods myself, I began to identify several groups of attitudes based mostly on the experiences that people have had. Over the years I’ve refined these groups, and found that they tend to hold true regardless of color, nationality, geographic location, social upbringing, or age.

Stage 1: Never Been Fucked

Or "The Untested"

This is where people start. In this stage, people haven’t had their first life altering experience that is almost completely out of their control. These people haven’t been raped, mugged, abused, beaten down, or trodden upon. They haven’t had abusive parents, poverty level incomes, physical disabilities, or faced persecution for something totally out of their control. For the most part, these people often have a hard time understanding people who have gone through such experiences, and are in general naïve about many things in life. Their will to survive hasn’t been tested yet, and while they may seem confident of their ability to survive in the world, there is no telling if they will hit the ground running or hit the ground and become a wet spot.

An example of this type of person is a freshman in college who had a happy home life, an easy trip through the school system, and who never fell prey to the addictions of drugs or alcohol. They might consider themselves to be strong in the ways of the world, but they haven’t had to deal with truly difficult situations and are likely to be caught off guard when they first encounter one. Most people who have had a rougher life will spot this type of person right off and choose not to associate with them. This is usually because they find people who have been through the ringer a lot more interesting and more reliable when the excrement’s trajectory is altered by the environmental control device.

Stage 2: Currently Being Fucked

Or "The Unfortunate"

These people are currently living through one of the experiences listed above or something similar. They haven’t accepted that while something terrible is happening, they can take control of their life and change it. They instead lash out at anything they perceive to be a part of the problem, or they become nearly comatose and withdraw from as much of society as they can.

A good example of this is a teenager who has abusive parents (emotionally, physically, or mentally abusive – they all leave scars) and takes the road of rebellion against authority in all its forms. This is not an easy road, but a very seductive one. This is also a very difficult pattern to break free from, and often requires another huge life altering event to shake them up and give them a chance to alter their life. These people are dangerous to be around because they will often drag anyone near them into their problems.

Another example is the person in their early twenties who is making near minimum wage at a dead end job they hate and quickly falling into debt. Their dreams of life have been shattered and they see no light at the end of the tunnel. Life has become an unbearable tedium and they often entertain suicidal thoughts. In their mind, they have nothing and thereby have nothing to lose.

Stage 3: I’m Sick of Being Fucked, And I’m Not Taking it Anymore

Or "The Struggling"

This is where people discover that they have a spine, and they aren’t going to keep taking what’s been handed to them. This is where people get interesting. No longer is their mind closed to the world around them, and they actively seek out ways to improve their life. Some people seek counseling, some education, and some decide to completely change the group of people they associate with or the town that they live in. While these people will often accept help if it is offered, they have learned to be cautious about who they deal with. Usually they have a much better understanding of the ramifications of their actions than people in the previous groups, but there is still a danger of backsliding into Stage 2.

A prime example of this is someone who has been abused as a child, took the road of rebellion, and ran afoul of the law. They have realized that there is another way to run their life, and have cut off associations with most of their old friends and activities. They often seek out those who have been through similar situations to trade war stories and exchange support and advice in the pursuit of a different way life.

Stage 4: I’m Done Being Fucked, And I’m Not Going Back

Or "The Survivors"

These are the people who have been tempered by the flame, and who have through their own will to survive pulled through situations that no one in their right mind would like to experience. They can be found in every walk of life, and are usually confidant, controlled, and comfortable with themselves and their past. They have taken their licks, and have come out a stronger person for the experience. These are usually stable people who have a good grip on life – for the moment. Life has a funny way of jumping up and biting you in the ass when you’re not looking, and a trip back to Stage 2 is always a danger. However having been through the ringer once, these people usually get right back to Stage 3 very quickly.

The office manager who had a coke addiction as a young man and who now has a family and a stable job is a good example of this. He is in control of himself, aware of some of the nastier pitfalls of life, and better prepared to avoid or deal with them. When life beats him down again, be it through a death in the family or a nasty divorce, he is in a much better position to survive the experience that someone who doesn’t have such a difficult past behind them

People who have been fucked but who just existed through the situation without exerting themselves to change it aren’t a part of this category. They belong back in Stage 2, and given a little bit of time that’s usually where they’ll be. To be considered a part of Stage 4 the person has to have changed their life by their own will. This isn’t to say that they have to do it alone, but that they have to have been an active participant in rebuilding their life.

A prime example of this is a kid from a very poor family who had an alcohol problem that suddenly shows up in a new town because her family moved. She might not fall back into her old patterns of drinking and partying for a while, but since she didn’t make the decision to change her life, she doesn
’t have the incentive to stay clean. Once the opportunity presents itself, she is very likely to return to her old lifestyle.

Stage 5: I’ve Never Been Fucked, But I’m A Pretty Stable, Well Adjusted Person Anyway

Or "The Oddballs"

There are a very few people out there who have had a good childhood, a career they are happy with, and somehow avoided the things in life which so often drag the rest of us down. I’ve never personally met one of these people, but I’ve heard of a couple through friends. I’m still not sure quite how they arrived at a Stage 4 mindset without having endured the fire that tempers the rest of us, but I’m very interesting in meeting such a person and trying to find out.

You may be wondering why this is titled "The Four Stages of Fucked" but here I am listing five stages. For many years, I had only encountered people in one of the first four stages, and hadn’t heard of anyone who didn’t fit inside that general structure. The "Four Stages" name stuck, and since I haven’t actually met someone who I’d consider a true Stage 5, I’m not sure it really exists.

Conclusion

Like everything else in life that you encounter, this should be taken with a grain of salt, so to speak. Read it over, think about it, and take from it what you feel is right. If you think this whole thought process is worthless and has no bearing on your life, then that is your decision. Just realize that at the very least you have gotten something from reading this – you are now familiar with another way of looking at life.

The examples I have listed are all taken straight from the lives of people I know. Some of them are now well-adjusted and capable people, but some still haven’t escaped from the traps they have found themselves in, or even realized that they are in a trap. It’s sad to see people stuck in Stage 2, but until they make the mental leap to Stage 3 on their own, there is little that can be done to help them along.

- Montana Max, Origional Posting on March 26, 1999