The answers are getting harder and harder

And there is no way to bargain or to barter

But if you’ve got the angst or the adore

You might faint from the fight but you’re gonna find it

For every challenge could have paradise behind it

And if you accept what you have lost and you stand tall

You might just get it back and you can get it all

So now you know why it’s a long way to fall

Yeah cause it’s a long way to fall

- Stand, by John Popper

Several people have expressed concern about my state of mind after reading my posts to date, and I’ve had to reassure everyone that I’m not on the brink of a mental breakdown or postal activity. I just happen to be a more prolific writer when I’m depressed or angry, and the last several weeks have provided many opportunities for both styles of writing. I’m no closer to the edge of reality, sanity, or town than I usually am, so those of you who have known me for years can all relax and go back to cleaning your swords.

I will be attempting to write more in general as an exercise in orgainizing and expressing my thoughts, so hopefully not every post will have the dripping cynicism and bleak outlook so prominent in last months posts.

Feeling a little less venomous today, but still within spitting distance of the edge. The transparency of our existence and the blind refusal of our society to deal with it has some truly staggering implications. Especially when you stop to consider that the attitudes, morals, and values of the society you live in will find ways to seep in like a dank mold and softly rot out the underpinnings of your mind.
But enough of the ranting and raving for a moment. Time to slow down and smell the dandelions again, or at least make the attempt to do so. The effect my state of mind right now will have on my life in the next ten years is either negligible, or enormous. There is no way to tell which way it’s going to be. Not looking forward, not looking backwards, and dwelling on it won’t do a damn bit of good either. So let’s go about our merry way for a moment, and try to keep the focus of our mind gently cradled in the realization that it is all equally important, and it’s not important at all.

<rant>

Another days work gone by, another “crisis” of questionable proportions wrangled and demystified, and to what end? To help grease the wheels for the great chariot of commerce to hurdle down the path to wherever the hell it’s going. We aren’t a democratic society like they try to teach in schools, or a republic like you might think if you actually read the definition of a democracy. We’re a commerce-ocracy. Driven by the desire to hide from all discomforts behind the shield of purchasing power. You’ve got a problem – we’ve got a product to fix it. You’ve got a product – we’ve got a way to market it. You’ve got a market – we’ve got a way to deliver to it. And so on and so forth.

It’s enough to make me sick while I sit here banging away on my shit in a house full of my shit with the realization that I’d miss all my shit if it were gone. That’s why I lock my door – to keep my shit away from everyone else’s pile of shit. How pathetic.

</rant>