Life. It’s as real as we let it be. If we disconnect to save ourselves from the pain, there are no peaks. If we hold on to things gone by, we borrow pain from the past to seed the future. If we don’t embrace what we have, we have nothing. But if we have nothing, then nothing has us either. Then we are free. What good is freedom to those who can’t figure out what to do with a rainy Sunday afternoon? Isn’t freedom just a twisted way of saying “I don’t have the balls to hold myself responsible for the consequences of my actions”? Or is freedom the ability to hold yourself responsible instead of having others bend you to their own twisted tune of avarice and greed? Since we’ll all be worm-food in a hundred years , does it really matter a damn bit anyway? If it doesn’t matter, then what the hell is the point of putting on the monkey suit every morning and performing for the crowd?

“It’s not that I condone facism, or any ism for that matter. Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself.”
-Ferris Bueller

Now that’s not a bad idea at all. It only has one downside. When you believe in yourself, you have to take the training wheels off. Look ma – no more crutches! If I hit the ground at warp 2 and do the asphalt ballet till my face falls off, there is no system, no “ism”, no god to blame. Nothing to hold responsible but Self. That, I think, is when you truly begin to suck the marrow out of the bones of life. For better or worse, it’s you in the mirror every morning. If you think that someone will be standing there with you every day to help you along, I hope you don’t ever have to get hit upside the head with the great 2×4 of reality. Honestly – if illusions are what gets you through the day, then more power to you. Jack Daniels or Jesus Christ, I’m for whatever gets you through the night. Neither of them work for me. I haven’t found a crutch I can rely on. I keep thinking too damn much to settle for inebriation of those varieties.

As the wise man sayeth, “Who knows where thoughts come from; they just appear.” (Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference.)

So it’s live one day at a time and make each one count for something, even if it’s just to slow down and enjoy the mist rolling though the valley. Try not to force it, try to embrace it.

“Either get busy living, or get busy dying”
-Shawshank Redemption

Another set of images scanned and uploaded. This time the Batman pictures from the Southwest trip. For anyone who doesn’t know the story here, my roomate and I “borrowed” a stuffed Batman doll from one of our friends before leaving for the airport. We took him all over, to New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, Nevada, California, Texas, etc.

Having a trip mascot is a ball of fun, and we talked with a huge number of people that we otherwise wouldn’t have had any contact with because of it. Of course, when we returned home after having sent ransom notes and “Help, I’m kidnapped” postcards from 3 or 4 states, Batman’s owner was mad as hell. He got over it, but he still keeps a close eye on us when we start talking about another road trip.

Southwest Batman Tour – 1999

I’ve scanned another set of pictures in and uploaded them to Zing.com. This set is from my summer vacation in 1999 when my roomie and I spent 9 days on the road in the southwest. I have also discovered that I’m missing a photo album from this trip. It’s black, about 8 x 12, spiral bound, and contains exclusively scenic shots – the best ones of the trip. If anybody has seen it hanging around, please drop me a line at montanamax@mindless.cx

Southwest Adventure 1999

One of these days I’ll transcribe some of my journal from this trip. This spring and summer Whirlwind Dreamer will return to the southwest for a while. I just can’t stay away.

An explorer he went wandering
To satisfy his pondering
Basically meandering
Unsure of what he’d find
Braving any danger
But to his family he’s a stranger
And from time to time he turns around
And this runs through his mind

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I’m going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I’m human and it’s early
I swear I’ll never forget again
- John Popper, Optomistic Thought

Back when I was in high school, I used to like the saying “Life is a vacuum. The past sucks and the future blows.” That was the mindset of a person who believed that he was powerless to alter his lot in life, destined to get hit by things beyond his control and never see over the horizon. My how things change. The river of time relentlessly flows forward. That cannot be altered. It’s all a matter of attitude whether you’re swimming with the river or trying to paddle back to where you’ve been.

There is no way to un-see, to un-do, to un-experience life that’s been lived. The past can be bottled up to fester, locked away in a small corner of your mind to gain mass, like a small fusion bottle perking away. It keeps it out of your hair for a while, but when it hits critical mass, whoa boy. It can take down everyone around you, destroy lives and shred families. This is how I used to deal with my life. The cost was immense. I learned that delaying the pain just guaranteed an increased in volume.

Eventually I started looking for better ways of handling things. I spent a few months seeing a shrink due to the generosity of a judge. It helped get me back on my feet for a while. Most of what I learned there was to be honest to myself. It’s not an easy thing to keep doing, but I try.

During the demise of my marriage, I started actively searching for other ways of working through life’s struggles. Eventually I found one that worked for me. It’s pretty simple. Just embrace every experience and suck the marrow out of life. Don’t hold on to the moment, reflect it. Be it good or bad, don’t try to hold back or hide your feelings, just experience them. Remember that life is short, temporary, and the only game in town Sometimes you can tickle nirvana and it all makes sense for a moment. When you’re not there, experience what’s around you. It’s all good.

I find that writing about personal philosophy is just as difficult as the ancient masters have said. No matter what I write, it doesn’t quite capture it all. The Tao that can be explained is not the true Tao. The Tao that can be written is not the true Tao. The closest the Tao can be explained (IMHO) is that it just is. You can’t avoid it, you can’t label it, so quit worrying about it and live a little.

Now try remembering that when your world is raining down in small sharp pieces around you. That’s a trick that takes a lot of practice.