Just a couple of quick notes for tonight.
What’s with today, today?
- Empire Records
Had an interesting conversation with a couple friends at a show tonight. They were completely caught up in the fascination of “what if a fundamental part of our existence were supported by aliens and everybody found out”. The sad thing (to my point of view) is they were convinced it was a) an origional thought, b) never done as a short story, and c) a mind blowing idea. I sort of felt like I was hanging out with the much younger siblings who are in awe of this cool new band called the Eagles.
Started reassembly phase number two with Chinook tonight. Still waiting on a die I had to order to fix a bolt to mount the swing arm back on, but the front end is where it should be. Only took about 20 minutes this time too. I’m convinced by the time I’m done with this project, I’ll have every part memorized. The vast array of bolts, bearings, and brackets on my work bench isn’t even daunting anymore. It’s more like a pile of friends all waiting to torqued into place so they can become greater than their sum. Next paycheck – fenders, seat pan, and start the procedings to get the title. Paycheck after that, handlebars and foot controls. Once all of that is in place, it should be coming up on paint time.
Had a rough time last night. This is the second time I’ve eaten at a little Greek retaurant near work and ended up with a mild to moderate case of food poisoning. Maybe this time I’ll learn – don’t get the chicken. 
Very strange dreams too. Couldn’t breathe, everything was grayed out, but very peaceful. Sitting on a rock in the middle of a river, watching the people on the banks come right up to the edge, but backing off before they could get their feet wet. I thought about telling them to come on in, the water’s fine, but it seemed better to let them figure it out themselves. A very old friend of mine who has passed on was floating along on his back with a big smile – not saying a word. Then everything froze and shattered like safety glass. I don’t remember much after that except waking up feeling broken in some way.
This is how you remind me of who I really am.
- Some new song on the radio, and stuck in my head. Time to kick up some music
I recieved confirmation tonight that I was definately the drunkest Scottsman that night at Pennsic. Along with a, “would have been nice to spend more time with you, but…” We all make decisions, every minute of every day. Letting someone else make a decision for you is still deciding, and a cop out at that. Try to hold onto too much and you either break what you were holding, or it breaks you. Been there, done that, can still taste the ashes. Hope the lesson isn’t as painful for them.
Someone also gave me a very cool complement on the site today: “It’s not prepossessing, not all about showing off tech-skills like so many personal pages, yet also not about shouting loud and hopefully offensive opinions at people just to get a rise out of them. . . you’re just sharing a little bit of yourself and your life to whoever finds it interesting.” Made me smile, it did. Thanks.
But overall, tonight I feel like something just jabbed me in a hole that hasn’t healed well yet, and I miss having someone to talk to in a serious way.
And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
Consequences that I’ve rendered
Have stretched myself beyond my means
- It’s Been a While, Staind
No. Not quite there. My edges have been pushed more than this little blue spot. Flowing with cycle does mean spitting in the troughs now and again though.
No pain, no gain they say.
I say it stops hurting when the pain goes away. And if you quit poking at it, it’ll heal faster.
But I never was very good at letting scabs alone.
I use love like fuel
The pain it drives my engine
It’s a source without renewal
Without environmental protection
The anguish gives me vision
I can’t say how long it lasts
But the more I have collisions
The more I want to drive fast
-Miserable Bastard, John Popper
But if I don’t make the effort, take the risk, throw my heart back into the sky, there is no way to feel the joy. The downside is it usually it lands in the dirt somewhere, but when it’s suspended amongst the stars, even for a moment, it’s all worth it. I hope I never become so jaded that I lock it all back inside again. Those were some truly miserable years.
By every reprieve that I choose to believe
With every code that I stand by
I’m just a man with a stick in my hand
And I helplessly jab at the sky
Its my nature to try
Helps the time pass by
-Growing in Dirt, John Popper
I think he (Popper) was near the place I’m at when he wrote that album. Thanks for the chat John. Not terribly uplifting, but it’ll do for now.
Time to go have a chat with something deep inside. Get a different perspective, a fresh set of view points.
“Hey pretty, do you want to take a ride with me”
-Hey Pretty, Poe
That song is stuck in my head tonight. Beautiful song. Great album. Vivid imagery.
I just found out I’m about to become a published poet. Tradition is going to be included in an anthology of amateur poetry called “Under a Quicksilver Moon” (ISBN: 0-7951-5065-2) to be published this winter. My thanks go out to Tom whose critique of some of my other poems has helped me strengthen my style considerably.
In other news, Thursday I head up to Pennsylvania for my first Pennsic war. There is almost no way I’ll be able to remember everybody’s camps I’m supposed to visit, or all the parties I’m supposed to hit, but I’m sure I’ll have a great time anyway.
The bike build is coming along quite well. I’m nearing the end of the mock-up phase. Still need to purchase front and rear fenders, handlebars, forward controls, and finish lining up the rear drive belt, but after that it’s time for paint. Since my financial reserves are running low it will probably take me another 6 or 8 weeks to get all that done, but I’m still very excited about it.
Started riding with Scalia, Terry, and associates this weekend. It’s a lot of fun riding in a pack with old-school bikers. The noise level raised by 7 big twins pounding the pavement is near deafening, especially when everyone is cranking on the throttle. It has a feeling that’s very unique. Quite different from Rolling Thunder earlier this year where I didn’t know anybody. It was also amusing that when the 9 of us rolled into the back room at the Sunset Grille, within about 10 minutes the other patrons all seemed to finish their drinks and mosey on out.
